so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
