Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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