I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
