If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
