he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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