So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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