i would punch a child for taco bell
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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