She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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