There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize