Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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