Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
