Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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