u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
