but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
