Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
