a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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