Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
