If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
