pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
