So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
