Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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