Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
