The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
