I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
