thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
