yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
