just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
