just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
