I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i will never coherently bang her
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
