I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
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