And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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