I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
