i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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