Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize