dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
