I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
