I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
