Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
