i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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