oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
