hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
