Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
