First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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