She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
