help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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