I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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