Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
