I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
