i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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