She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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