i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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