getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
