i permit you to call me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
whose parrot is this?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
