didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
