I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
