Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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