i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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