I met the friendliest cop last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??