We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...