I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet