Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer