she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?