If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need water and some morals
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
