I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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