at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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