She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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