woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
