I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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