I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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