**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
