You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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