I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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