He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
