Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize